Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You ruined the universe
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
