yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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