you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
