"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
