she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
