Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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