All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
