I would go down on you faster than GM stock
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
