Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
