After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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