I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
