Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
