why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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