i jhust puked up my retainher.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
