It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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