Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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