you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
