I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
