Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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