I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
