We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I want is dick and wine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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