He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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