I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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