I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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