I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
