Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
