my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
