my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
