I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
