Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
