yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
