I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
