Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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