I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
