really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
