names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
