I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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