My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
