Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
