still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
