In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
