she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
