There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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