i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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