Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
