im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
