Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
