Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
