Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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