elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
