I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
