just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
