I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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