I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
