My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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