why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
