very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
